so the opportunity stands in front of me. he dug my cell phone recording, stating i do have a voice, and there is alot of power with it. he wants to hear me clearer. mp3 clear. ok, got to do this at moms house. or the first opportunity i have to record one. in the meantime, find a voice coach. from there, listen to tracks that he sends over, write down some words, write a melody. fucking whale em out. get ok'd. get vocals REALLY recorded (that means studio time). mix and blend. bing! a track is produced. i am an established and credible vocalist.

can i do all this? how much hard work and discipline is this gonna take? i'm fucking stubborn. i hope that i can stay super motivated. the only excitement i'm getting from people are those not too close with me. my prod, co worker and best friend. my mom doesn't think anything of it, and my boyfriend has been motionless about it. i mean he is glad i'm doing something finally, but not the excitement i would give him if he say, played drums for a band again.

i gotta give all my thanks to lara, who DROPPED my name! all she knew is that i love to sing and i love karaoke. i don't remember her every hearing me [lol] but i do remember her complimenting me.

this is NOT going to be easy with the fact i'm timid about letting 'go', singing in front of people (sober!) and being 110% confident. I guess this will be my 'made' story, as long as i don't cave in.

so, i'm waiting for the producer to call me back. i was in about 2 hours of traffic this morning with my new ipod. i think the ipod kept me pretty calm! i sang a quip of don't speak. voice recordings on a cell phone are so fucking horrible. i hope he responds with something rather than... nothing.

i figure that i did my damned best for a cell phone recording, sang something i've sung for years, and had the balls to send it to a stranger. I can't be THAT bad if i get applauses at karaoke and called back to sing live with a rock band... can i?!

i'm going to san fransisco this weekend, nothing can really get me down now anyway!

 yeaaa.... i just got a call from a local hiphop producer who has internationally released house tracks. what does he want with me? he got my name from a friend of mine who reccommended me as a vocalist. wow.... REALLY?? he needs someone raspy, poppy for some electro tracks. 

are you shitting me?

so after our awesome conversation - i got to send him me singing somehow. there's no way i want to pull up the mp3 recording from the last band i tried to work with. but maybe i do? i have to face the music and hear myself someday. talk about being your worst critic. 

i'm thinking about what to sing, what will be similar to what he wants. nothing but gwen fills my thoughts! orange county girl? twisted? bubble pop electric?

is this guy f'in with me!?

i asked one of my good buddies, who is a frequent dj/promoter, producer (i hate his music tho) - he says he IS credible, professional and really awesome. that's a good stamp of approval. i'm gonna record something too, probably all of the gwen songs above.  god i'm so nervous cause my dream could be coming true-ish?